Dating taking it slowly

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One of my life projects is learning how to date slowly. I talk about it in therapy. I talk about it with friends.

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When it comes to beginning a new relationship, we all know that exhilarating, butterflies in the stomach, heart-pounding feeling. How to take a relationship slow? If it seems too good to be true, it may actually be too good to be true.

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It's Metafilter's 20th anniversary! To celebrate, scan some cats or help fund Mefi! How even does one "take it slow" in a relationship?

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Believe it or not, there is a way to take things slow in a relationship without having to play any games. After striking out in the love department a couple times, every grownup eventually learns their lesson and starts to know what they want from a relationship. But you do run the risk of someone accusing you of breadcrumbing themwhich can often make the other person feel like a huge tool. Here are some things to remember when you want to take things slow and be careful with their feelings.

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Relationships can be kind of frightening. In order to maintain a healthy relationship, both people need to be happy and aware of where their relationship is at. First up on how to slow things down is to actually figure out if you need to.

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Check for a good track record. Chloe Carmichael, a psychologist and relationship coach, says: "Not having your heart completely open, and being able to walk away from a relationship, is actually a healthy thing until the right time —when the partner has proven to you through a track record of trust and respect and being on the same page about the goals for the relationship — that you can fully open up. Look for a partner who has the same priorities as you.

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But there is something in all of us that wants to go a little faster than we should. When the speed limit is 70, we want to push the limit. The same thing can happen in a dating relationship.

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Falling in love is something that should be savored, not rushed. But far too many of us are in a hurry to secure a partner, sometimes to the detriment of the relationships we build with each other. Below, therapists around the country offer seven telltale signs that you need to slow down and let things evolve a little more organically. What does that mean?

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Taking things slowly is highly beneficial to a romantic relationship, and the reason why is actually quite simple. Couples who quickly pass important milestones, like having sex or moving in together, often find themselves becoming more committed without the necessary time to think. On the other hand, waiting to reach those significant points in a relationship allows a couple time to get to know each other and to really consider whether the relationship is working.

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Men, though they think they're simple, are not always so easy to read. Often, without knowing it, they send mixed signals. And when you're dating early on, it's confusing to know where his real intentions lay. You may wonder if he is taking it slow and getting to know you—or if he is dragging you along and not even thinking about a relationship.

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