When it comes to a girl I want to see somewhat regularly or exclusively, I have high standards. They are also not requirements, which I feel is an important note. My ex-girlfriend found a great job while in college and never graduated; one of my ex-girlfriends had a long line of convicts in her family; exceptions can be made, but these are traits that are important to me.
Years ago I attended a high school summer camp retreat, and one night, one of our adult leaders corralled all of us girls into a room, leaving all of the boys on the other side of a closed door. What did this top secret, girls-only discussion consist of? In telling us not to settle, she was telling us something that every girl knows subconsciously in her heart but often fails to believe because of the doubts and insecurities she faces: she is worthy.
Men and women going through a tireless dating process, often lower their standards or expectations out of fear of being alone, frustrated by horrible dating experiences. While understandable, there's a better way—God's way. The dating game, while interesting and fun, has its daunting moments, too—unpleasant dates, disappointments and discomfort when faced with someone you genuinely do not want to see again.
When you have exciting career news or you want to share a hilarious thing you saw on the bus to work, something stops you. You miss being single. It often happens that you miss your single days, so why are you staying in the relationship?
In an effort to find someone I actually clicked with, I came up with a set of standards that any new guy needed to meet. Some of my friends had specific rules and very high expectations. In comparison, I felt like mine were relatively simple.
Your ultimate goal is to spend eternity with Heavenly Father, and in His kingdom we will live as eternal families. So the ultimate goal of dating is to find an eternal companion you can make and keep temple covenants with. These skills will be helpful in your social interactions and then later in courtship and marriage.
The only thing is that there is a major disparity between the type of standards that you should have and how much. It seems to be one extreme to another — either too little or too much. Standards are there to allow you to ensure that there are basic needs that are met by partners and that you have clearly defined behaviours that are unacceptable if someone wants to be with you.
It all seems to be set in stone. The truth is, for many of us the expectations and reality of being in a relationship are a difficult combination. While some people have expectations that are too high when they're dating, others seem to throw their relationship values out the window when they meet someone new, because they're eager to make things work.
This here is strictly for the women who, whether they want to admit it to themselves or not, need to be in a relationship. Who have, maybe unbeknownst to themselves, lowered their standards in their quest to fulfill that need. Women who have f—ked more frogs than they care to share. Women who are desperate.